On 26/09/06, Melvin Tan wrote:
hi mum, thank you thank you thank you....u know i never felt this good "talking" about how i feel...whenever friends asked me..how's life...i just said i am very tired and the words kind of stop there...i guess its easier to just write it out than to talk abt it...that was sure a long first step taken after 1.5 yrs...and i would like to thank you for it...God often place angels around us to guide us along..i have been searching for that someone to just listen to me...you were just there...i was searching far and wide...but that angel was just beside me...you are far yet close....
its sad that while we advances in our career, we are losing our basic human touch...friends who are beside and around you noticed and gave just a pat on the shoulders...friends who are far away from you took time to reply with long and comforting emails....you are one of them mum....and i deeply appreciate that...for so long...i only talked to my mum..i dunno who else i can talk to...but now i know that i have a friend in you ...its time to let go and i thank you for that...its a personal blog between me and her and i know she would be glad that i have a friend like you....the day that i shared this blog with u is the day that i truly find happiness.....
I guess our surrounding friends are too pre-occupied with their career and I also do not want to add on something that they would not have been able to help except but to listen...thats why I have been withholding talking about it becos i was afraid of what people might say or what friends might say about what i am going through...but when i realised what my friends did say after sharing with them..it moved me to tears..this is what they said and he is just an acquiantance from Philippines..
"I never saw a wild thing feel sorry for itself, a bird will fall frozen dead from a bow, without ever having felt sorry for itself" It is true, in nature if an animal becomes injured it just keeps moving-on. A dog loses a leg, but it lives fine with only 3 legs. In the above case winter snow comes and the bird patiently sits in the bow of a tree, finally it freezes and dies falling to the forest floor. But that bird never complained like we humans have a propernsity to do, it just seized each moment of life to make the most of it. Most of the time it chirped a happy existence as it glided from tree to tree.
i am feeling much much better now...and looking forward to implementing my plan in dec...i will keep you updated whenever i can...
love and take care
On 26/09/06, Aaron and Josephine wrote:
mel, u already took your 1st step. u r talking about it, that's a start. u have been a good friend to many of us, u r gentle, u listen, and u have a big, kind heart always willing to help. so for now, while u r searching for answers, let your friends be there for u. i m listening. i m sorry i was/am not there physically to lend u emotional support, but i want u to know i m here to listen.
for starter, your mom raised a wonderful being, you. u turned out well, that was her accomplishment. make peace with yourself, your mum would not want to see u hurt like this. she is in a better place now, no pain, surrounded by those who left us, whom she loved, and, she is with god (whatever your religion is), who is taking care of her.
if we look at our past, we often regret things we did not do so well. i had came to a point in life myself, years ago, why regret, we cannot fix our past, use our past mistakes as experience, dont regret, just dont do it again. that's how we live and learn. look forward to events we can affect in the future. if volunteering is what u think u can do to help future, go for it. it may be your niche. u would never know if u dont try. i am always looking for new things to learn, otherwise, i wouldnt know if i like them.
i m not sure how u & your dad's relationship is now. but do u want to wait for him to be gone & regret not mending your relationship? i learned this when i lost my paternal grandmother yrs ago. so now, i try to be as nice as posible to the ones i love, because i don't want to live to regret.
if u feel that u need to seek some professional help along the way, there is nothing wrong with that. professionals are trained to help us sort through ourselves when sometimes friends and family cannot help. and dont worry too much abt others now, we can never please everyone. u mentioned in past email abt not so nice friends & family who wnts to get close now becoz of money. the money is not theirs, let them get their own. we dont hve to care what pple like these think. they r not there for u, they r there for themselves. i recently cut off a friedship here after i i realized i was told lies after lies. this person was supposedly sick, she may be, but after she told lies after lies to get my sympathy, i was emotionally drained. she is not a friend who is there for me but wants everyone else to be there for her. i looked thru the facade, i felt bad at first, but i came to terms with myself, i didnt do this to her, she brought it upon herself. she didnt lose a friend becoz i am mean or bad, but she is not truthful. she has issues she needs to deal with, unfortunately, i m not her solution.
i m glad we r having this "conversation" mel. and i hope this helps. true friends r suppose to b there for each other, no matter what. i m a believer that although we may not get to say hi or see each other often, true friends can always pick up where they left off. i hope i can help u through this tough time in your life. i m sorry u r going through this, but i hope we can both come out of this more in tune with our inner selves. u have a friend in me, do not hesitate to talk it out. i may not get to response asap but i want to help.
love,
mum
Melvin Tan wrote:
Mum, I was overwhelmed when I read your email to me. I not only want to thank you for writing back but also for the deep message that it bring across to me. I dunno at this point in time, do I consider myself as mid life crisis jumping from job to job hoping to find a better job... Lost and helpless is an understatement. I just do not know what I want in life. So feeling hopeless and helpless drives me to keep on searching for the perfect answer to my problems....I guess I was pretty much sheltered and did not go through turbulent times to get into school..meals and comfort are provided for since young...never had to worry about money, about shouldering responsibilities..worrying about bills, mortgages, debts..etc..etc... I guess my mum's death gave me an awakening..
I am on my own now....I have been mourning for 1.5 yrs now and I could not get myself out of it..It was too much to bear and I just took every excuse to leave whenever I was given an responsibility to shoulder I dunno if there is a term of what i am going through but i know that i am very unhappy with myself...Am I stressed ? Am I suffering from any so called " emotional instability " I am not sure..All I know is that I needed to leave...from who to where and what...I seriously have no idea... I try to be fair to myself that life goes on....I am counting the blessings of what I have and not what I do not have..But when I looked back 2.5 yrs later..I wonder what I do not have...Besides not having my mum with me...I do not have peace with myself...I do not have serenity...I could not reconcile with myself... I held myself very solely responsible for letting her go...though I wish I was not the one that had to make the decision...It was painful, it was cruel but it was necessary...but I could not accept that...1.5 yrs on......
I do not know how to vent out my frustration...my helplessness....its just getting into me....when I looked back at what my mum has saved and skimp over the how many years..I wonder how she pulled it off....Just a call from the lord and she's gone....Came with nothing , Left with nothing...I wonder why we worked so hard all our lives for ? the purpose ? I have never been a church goer...even though Novena church was just beside Tan Tock Seng, I never did went in and pray for a miracle when she was struggling in ICU...Ironically, now I am going to the same church asking for life's reasons, why's and if's...along with problems that came thereafter...i have had enough...I must admit that i could not handle it...I cant face it...thats why I have decided to do something I have never done before..volunteer work..
lizbillvolunteer inspires me a lot and I am in the midst of planning..i dunno how it will turn out eventually but that's my plan....a lot of times, i am very sick of working and losing interest in whatever i do...i hope this gives me an angle to look at life besides work..
love,
On 21/09/06, Aaron and Josephine wrote:
mel, sorry to hear that u r unhappy. we can get that way sometimes in life, at a cross rd, lost, losing focus. honestly, we r too blessed to b stressed. human nature is greedy, we alwaysMore... want more in life, some material, some spiritual. i cnnt say i can give u life lessons honestly. granted i was not borned with a silver spoon, i did not suffer much of the hardship others do either. i have learned over the years to try to be contented with what i have, otherwise, i will forever b unhappy becoz other seems to have it better. me living away from my family taught me to appreciate them more. friends & career can come and go, we r borned with the family we r given, we don't choose, so i try to love them the way i know best n how and learn to forgive n forget. a supporting life partner like aaron helps.
we have our differences but he had made me more patient n down to earth. i think our differences help fill each other's voids. i sometimes think abt the things i could have achieved if i m not tied down, but i m blessed that he is an understanding n supportive husband that those other things i wanted don't matter as much now. life is not abt work only, but i personally need the basic income my job brings, to achieve the basic things i have. as i get older, i m more eager to learn abt things. i embrace opportunity to expose myself to things that i never had a chance to learn, be it more abt a subject, a sport or just abt anything, that way, i can find things that i may not know that i m interested in.
this volunteer thing seems interesting, if u feel like u need to explore & see if tht is what u want to do, go ahead. if u never try, u never know if it is your niche. there r always less fortunate pple who could use a lift, from someone like u. s'poreans r very blessed pple. we hve a stable govt, we r exposed to diff cultures becoz we r multiracial, yet w/a traditional value of family support. we advanced so quickly since WWII n many of us had became very materialistic, sometimes losing focus in our spiritual self that many of us can be empty. on the other hand, our need for material thngs pushed us to work hard & our multi-lingual capability made us all adaptable, sometimes, we can also be arrogant becoz of that too, that's what i have learned over the years.anyhow, hope what i shared helps.
u r a wonderful person. i have know u for several yrs now, u r one of the nicest, motivated and caring person i hve ever met. i believe u can achieve whatever u set your heart to. don't b so hard on yourself, we r a very small creature in the face of ths very big earth. we cnnt just wave a magic wand & hope all will be better, but we can do whatever small little part to make this world a better place. our caring may touch one person, who may in turn, touch another person's life & so on. so, just do the best u can, life goes on, right? u take care, don't dwell on the things u have not achieve but what u have done so far to lend others a little helping hand. i wish u the best, whatever u choose in you life, i m sure u made that decision carefully.
love,mum
hi mum, thank you thank you thank you....u know i never felt this good "talking" about how i feel...whenever friends asked me..how's life...i just said i am very tired and the words kind of stop there...i guess its easier to just write it out than to talk abt it...that was sure a long first step taken after 1.5 yrs...and i would like to thank you for it...God often place angels around us to guide us along..i have been searching for that someone to just listen to me...you were just there...i was searching far and wide...but that angel was just beside me...you are far yet close....
its sad that while we advances in our career, we are losing our basic human touch...friends who are beside and around you noticed and gave just a pat on the shoulders...friends who are far away from you took time to reply with long and comforting emails....you are one of them mum....and i deeply appreciate that...for so long...i only talked to my mum..i dunno who else i can talk to...but now i know that i have a friend in you ...its time to let go and i thank you for that...its a personal blog between me and her and i know she would be glad that i have a friend like you....the day that i shared this blog with u is the day that i truly find happiness.....
I guess our surrounding friends are too pre-occupied with their career and I also do not want to add on something that they would not have been able to help except but to listen...thats why I have been withholding talking about it becos i was afraid of what people might say or what friends might say about what i am going through...but when i realised what my friends did say after sharing with them..it moved me to tears..this is what they said and he is just an acquiantance from Philippines..
"I never saw a wild thing feel sorry for itself, a bird will fall frozen dead from a bow, without ever having felt sorry for itself" It is true, in nature if an animal becomes injured it just keeps moving-on. A dog loses a leg, but it lives fine with only 3 legs. In the above case winter snow comes and the bird patiently sits in the bow of a tree, finally it freezes and dies falling to the forest floor. But that bird never complained like we humans have a propernsity to do, it just seized each moment of life to make the most of it. Most of the time it chirped a happy existence as it glided from tree to tree.
i am feeling much much better now...and looking forward to implementing my plan in dec...i will keep you updated whenever i can...
love and take care
On 26/09/06, Aaron and Josephine wrote:
mel, u already took your 1st step. u r talking about it, that's a start. u have been a good friend to many of us, u r gentle, u listen, and u have a big, kind heart always willing to help. so for now, while u r searching for answers, let your friends be there for u. i m listening. i m sorry i was/am not there physically to lend u emotional support, but i want u to know i m here to listen.
for starter, your mom raised a wonderful being, you. u turned out well, that was her accomplishment. make peace with yourself, your mum would not want to see u hurt like this. she is in a better place now, no pain, surrounded by those who left us, whom she loved, and, she is with god (whatever your religion is), who is taking care of her.
if we look at our past, we often regret things we did not do so well. i had came to a point in life myself, years ago, why regret, we cannot fix our past, use our past mistakes as experience, dont regret, just dont do it again. that's how we live and learn. look forward to events we can affect in the future. if volunteering is what u think u can do to help future, go for it. it may be your niche. u would never know if u dont try. i am always looking for new things to learn, otherwise, i wouldnt know if i like them.
i m not sure how u & your dad's relationship is now. but do u want to wait for him to be gone & regret not mending your relationship? i learned this when i lost my paternal grandmother yrs ago. so now, i try to be as nice as posible to the ones i love, because i don't want to live to regret.
if u feel that u need to seek some professional help along the way, there is nothing wrong with that. professionals are trained to help us sort through ourselves when sometimes friends and family cannot help. and dont worry too much abt others now, we can never please everyone. u mentioned in past email abt not so nice friends & family who wnts to get close now becoz of money. the money is not theirs, let them get their own. we dont hve to care what pple like these think. they r not there for u, they r there for themselves. i recently cut off a friedship here after i i realized i was told lies after lies. this person was supposedly sick, she may be, but after she told lies after lies to get my sympathy, i was emotionally drained. she is not a friend who is there for me but wants everyone else to be there for her. i looked thru the facade, i felt bad at first, but i came to terms with myself, i didnt do this to her, she brought it upon herself. she didnt lose a friend becoz i am mean or bad, but she is not truthful. she has issues she needs to deal with, unfortunately, i m not her solution.
i m glad we r having this "conversation" mel. and i hope this helps. true friends r suppose to b there for each other, no matter what. i m a believer that although we may not get to say hi or see each other often, true friends can always pick up where they left off. i hope i can help u through this tough time in your life. i m sorry u r going through this, but i hope we can both come out of this more in tune with our inner selves. u have a friend in me, do not hesitate to talk it out. i may not get to response asap but i want to help.
love,
mum
Melvin Tan wrote:
Mum, I was overwhelmed when I read your email to me. I not only want to thank you for writing back but also for the deep message that it bring across to me. I dunno at this point in time, do I consider myself as mid life crisis jumping from job to job hoping to find a better job... Lost and helpless is an understatement. I just do not know what I want in life. So feeling hopeless and helpless drives me to keep on searching for the perfect answer to my problems....I guess I was pretty much sheltered and did not go through turbulent times to get into school..meals and comfort are provided for since young...never had to worry about money, about shouldering responsibilities..worrying about bills, mortgages, debts..etc..etc... I guess my mum's death gave me an awakening..
I am on my own now....I have been mourning for 1.5 yrs now and I could not get myself out of it..It was too much to bear and I just took every excuse to leave whenever I was given an responsibility to shoulder I dunno if there is a term of what i am going through but i know that i am very unhappy with myself...Am I stressed ? Am I suffering from any so called " emotional instability " I am not sure..All I know is that I needed to leave...from who to where and what...I seriously have no idea... I try to be fair to myself that life goes on....I am counting the blessings of what I have and not what I do not have..But when I looked back 2.5 yrs later..I wonder what I do not have...Besides not having my mum with me...I do not have peace with myself...I do not have serenity...I could not reconcile with myself... I held myself very solely responsible for letting her go...though I wish I was not the one that had to make the decision...It was painful, it was cruel but it was necessary...but I could not accept that...1.5 yrs on......
I do not know how to vent out my frustration...my helplessness....its just getting into me....when I looked back at what my mum has saved and skimp over the how many years..I wonder how she pulled it off....Just a call from the lord and she's gone....Came with nothing , Left with nothing...I wonder why we worked so hard all our lives for ? the purpose ? I have never been a church goer...even though Novena church was just beside Tan Tock Seng, I never did went in and pray for a miracle when she was struggling in ICU...Ironically, now I am going to the same church asking for life's reasons, why's and if's...along with problems that came thereafter...i have had enough...I must admit that i could not handle it...I cant face it...thats why I have decided to do something I have never done before..volunteer work..
lizbillvolunteer inspires me a lot and I am in the midst of planning..i dunno how it will turn out eventually but that's my plan....a lot of times, i am very sick of working and losing interest in whatever i do...i hope this gives me an angle to look at life besides work..
love,
On 21/09/06, Aaron and Josephine wrote:
mel, sorry to hear that u r unhappy. we can get that way sometimes in life, at a cross rd, lost, losing focus. honestly, we r too blessed to b stressed. human nature is greedy, we alwaysMore... want more in life, some material, some spiritual. i cnnt say i can give u life lessons honestly. granted i was not borned with a silver spoon, i did not suffer much of the hardship others do either. i have learned over the years to try to be contented with what i have, otherwise, i will forever b unhappy becoz other seems to have it better. me living away from my family taught me to appreciate them more. friends & career can come and go, we r borned with the family we r given, we don't choose, so i try to love them the way i know best n how and learn to forgive n forget. a supporting life partner like aaron helps.
we have our differences but he had made me more patient n down to earth. i think our differences help fill each other's voids. i sometimes think abt the things i could have achieved if i m not tied down, but i m blessed that he is an understanding n supportive husband that those other things i wanted don't matter as much now. life is not abt work only, but i personally need the basic income my job brings, to achieve the basic things i have. as i get older, i m more eager to learn abt things. i embrace opportunity to expose myself to things that i never had a chance to learn, be it more abt a subject, a sport or just abt anything, that way, i can find things that i may not know that i m interested in.
this volunteer thing seems interesting, if u feel like u need to explore & see if tht is what u want to do, go ahead. if u never try, u never know if it is your niche. there r always less fortunate pple who could use a lift, from someone like u. s'poreans r very blessed pple. we hve a stable govt, we r exposed to diff cultures becoz we r multiracial, yet w/a traditional value of family support. we advanced so quickly since WWII n many of us had became very materialistic, sometimes losing focus in our spiritual self that many of us can be empty. on the other hand, our need for material thngs pushed us to work hard & our multi-lingual capability made us all adaptable, sometimes, we can also be arrogant becoz of that too, that's what i have learned over the years.anyhow, hope what i shared helps.
u r a wonderful person. i have know u for several yrs now, u r one of the nicest, motivated and caring person i hve ever met. i believe u can achieve whatever u set your heart to. don't b so hard on yourself, we r a very small creature in the face of ths very big earth. we cnnt just wave a magic wand & hope all will be better, but we can do whatever small little part to make this world a better place. our caring may touch one person, who may in turn, touch another person's life & so on. so, just do the best u can, life goes on, right? u take care, don't dwell on the things u have not achieve but what u have done so far to lend others a little helping hand. i wish u the best, whatever u choose in you life, i m sure u made that decision carefully.
love,mum
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